Ok, now I know I'm not very eloquent. When it comes to words, I often get clumsy and trip over my own feet, but recently I've been getting a lot of ideas. (Yea, yea, I know... it doesn't happen very often. Hur Hur.)

Any ways, when I say ideas, they aren't in the slow, continuous build of thought that you might think of. Instead, the entire idea and all of its meaning, consequences, and requisite seem to hit me at once. The effect is that I find myself sitting down and sifting through all the rubble of my thoughts until I can see more clearly. This seems to be happening a lot lately. So often, in fact, that I thought it'd be a good idea to enter them in this journal to better organize and analyze them. Plus, I love getting feedback from people. If this seems long winded, I apologize in advance.

Just this last Saturday, my fiance and I drove to Fayetteville, AR for a concert of epic proportions. The group plays remixed video game music (mostly the old variety), and are really great at what they do. Unfortunately, the members are going their own ways I believe and this was the last show. [link] is the site, and you can buy their albums there if anyone is curious. Trust me, it is well worth the money. Anywho, halfway through the show I'm sitting there watching the band play, the drunk people dance, and the noteworthies making clowns of themselves, and this simple thought hits me, "What will I do, what will I become, that people will remember me for?"

If I died tomorrow, how will I be remembered. At the moment, I don't like the answers I come up with. They all seem either so small in size that they wouldn't make even a ripple in the ocean of the world. Or they seem tainted by past mistakes so that even simple titles like "A good son" seem false. Will all I amount to is a B list Smash Brothers Player? I hope not.

Now if this seems to be taking a turn toward the depressing, which it most likely would appear, that is not my intention at all. Having thought of this all day long, through work and lunch, when I got back to my apartment at 6 PM, I ripped my schedule a new one. I seem to have renewed vigor and determination to do things that I know should be done, but until now have fallen by the wayside to make room for things I wanted to do. I want to make a mark on this earth, I want to make a living doing the things I love doing. I want to do everything to it's fullest. I've had ups and downs in my determination before, but this feels strong and constant. Only time will tell how it affects me.

Anyways, as I said I've had a few more thoughts but its getting late and people are prolly getting ready to shut me down as it is. I'll have to type more later.

Good night all.